Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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