If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
