Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
