I'm gonna have a badass scar
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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