Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
