Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
