I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
