so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
