Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
