now i know why i became what i already was.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
