forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
