if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
