I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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