god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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