Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
