I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
