I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
