I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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