let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
