you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
