Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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