I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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