Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I believe in your delicious
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
