Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
