it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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