Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
