she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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