Please, let me fuck your mom
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
