The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
