Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
