he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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