maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
