It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
