If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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