I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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