omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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