People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
