After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
