girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
operation have a gay friend backfired
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
