we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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