I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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