my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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