Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
