he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
