You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
