Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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