He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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