So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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