A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
