So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
