Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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