only if we run a train.
done.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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